Self-Efficacy and Parenting: How Improving Belief in Your Parenting Skills Can Help You Become a More Effective Parent

Every parent has experienced one of those days where nothing seems to go right. Days like that can shake a parent’s confidence and ask themselves questions like “Am I doing this right?” or “Why does this feel so hard?”. If you have ever had a day like that, let me assure you that you are not alone. Parenting isn’t easy, but believing in yourself can make all the difference.

Parental Self-efficacy (PSE) has been linked to mental well-being. Research shows that parents who are confident in their parenting skills are less likely to experience symptoms of depression (Murdock, 2013). In other words, the more you believe in yourself, the better you will feel overall, not just as a parent.

If you are wondering how to become more confident and improve PSE, psychologist Albert Badura has identified four key ways to do it: mastery experiences, vicarious experiences, verbal persuasion, and managing physiological and emotional states (Bandura, 1977). Here’s how you can apply these principles to enhance your confidence in parenting.

Mastery Experiences: Learning Through Success

Personal success is a powerful way to build PSE. Successfully handling parenting challenges increases your confidence that you can handle a similar situation in the future. Here are a few tips to start creating those moments:

  • Start small: Identify small and achievable goals, like creating a consistent bedtime routine or introducing a new family activity. Success in these smaller tasks can lay the foundation for tackling bigger challenges in the future.
  • Reflect on past wins: Think about all the times when you’ve handled a challenging moment well. For example, think about how you helped your child through a tantrum or supported them in learning a new skill. The act of reminding ourselves about these wins can increase confidence.
  • Celebrate the little things: There are tiny victories to celebrate every day, maybe it is a peaceful meal, smoothly navigating the bedtime routine, or simply a strong moment of connection with your child. Whatever it may be, take a minute to reflect and appreciate them.

Vicarious Experiences: Learning by Watching Others

We learn through watching, whether watching a YouTube tutorial about fixing your car or watching a cooking show, parenting is no different. Observing other parents addressing challenging parenting problems can provide ideas and reassurance that you’re not alone.

  • Seek mentors: Connect with other parents who inspire you, whether they are friends, family members, or members of parenting groups. Watching how they handle similar challenges can help you learn strategies and build confidence.
  • Engage in communities: Join local parenting groups or online forums where you can share experiences and learn from others who face similar struggles and triumphs.
  • Learn from Experts: Books, podcasts, parenting blogs, and workshops can offer practical advice and encouragement. Listening to experts weigh in on real-life stories can help provide you with more tools for your parenting journey.

Verbal Persuasion: Encouragement Builds Confidence

A few small words of encouragement can go a long way. Others believing in us helps us believe in ourselves.

  • Surround yourself with support: Search out friends, family members, or professionals who can provide you with constructive and positive feedback about your parenting efforts.
  • Practice self-affirmation: Remind yourself of your strengths and abilities. Use affirmations like, “I am doing my best, and that is enough.” Positive self-talk can go a long way in building confidence.
  • Reframe setbacks: Instead of viewing challenges as failures, reframe them as learning opportunities. For example, if one night the bedtime routine doesn’t go as planned, focus on what you learned from the situation and how you can adjust it for next time instead of seeing it as a disaster.

Managing Physiological and Emotional States: Staying Calm and Focused

Your emotional and psychological state directly impacts how confident you feel as a parent. If we are exhausted or overwhelmed, it is easier for self-doubt to creep in. Taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your child.

  • Take Care of Yourself: Prioritize sleep, eat nourishing foods, and move your body. You don’t have to be perfect, but small acts of self-care can improve your energy and patience.
  • Find Ways to De-Stress: Whether it’s deep breathing, a short walk, journaling, or simply stepping outside for fresh air, find techniques that help you stay calm and centered.
  • Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel frustrated, anxious, or overwhelmed. Instead of ignoring these feelings, allow yourself to process them. Talk to a trusted friend, write them down, or seek support if needed.

Additional insights:

A non-traditional way to improve PSE is by embracing technology and using artificial intelligence (AI). According to a 2024 article in the Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, AI tools were accurate about two-thirds of the time when used for diagnostic support. While it’s not a replacement for professional guidance, AI can help validate your concerns and reinforce that you’re on the right track.

AI tools can remind us of things we already know deep down—like how our child has unique strengths, or how much effort they’re putting into a tough task. These tools can also act as a helpful support when we’re feeling overwhelmed. But, as developmental-behavioral pediatrician Dr. Jenny Radesky reminds us, there always needs to be a human in the loop. No algorithm can replace your understanding of your child, your empathy, or the relationship you’re building day by day (Radesky, 2024).

So, while AI can be a great resource, think of it as just one more tool in your toolbox something to support you, not replace you.

Putting It All Together

Building self-efficacy as a parent is a gradual process that requires patience and intention. By focusing on small successes, learning from others, seeking encouragement, and managing your emotional well-being, you can become a more confident and effective parent. As you strengthen your belief in your abilities,  parenting will feel more manageable, and you will approach challenges with greater resilience and optimism.

Author:  Rusty Haun
Rusty Haun (he/him) is a graduate student studying Marriage and Family Therapy at
Northwestern University. He received his bachelor’s degree in Biology from the University of
North Carolina at Asheville.

Rusty Haun - Counselor at Matone Counseling & Testing

Co-Author:  Brandy Burns

REFERENCES

Bandura, A. (1978). Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change.

Advances in Behavioral Research and Therapy, 1(4), 139-161.

https://doi.org/10.1016/0146-6402(78)90002-4.

Murdock, Kyle W. “An Examination of Parental Self-Efficacy Among Mothers and Fathers.” Psychology of Men & Masculinity, vol. 14, no. 3, 2013, pp. 314–23, https://doi.org/10.1037/a0027009.

Radesky, J. (2024). AI, Parenting, and Child Development. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 45 (1), e2-e3. doi: 10.1097/DBP.0000000000001256