The Transition Back to Work

Returning to work after having a baby is one of the most significant life transitions a mother can face. For many women, this period is marked by mixed emotions: excitement and pride in resuming professional roles, but also guilt, sadness, or worry, particularly when entrusting a child to outside care.

As a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor, Co-Founder of Matone Counseling & Testing, and a professional trained with Postpartum Support International, I specialize in women’s mental health and have supported both mothers and fathers during this delicate adjustment. The message I want families to take away is simple: you are not alone, and support is available.

Understanding Postpartum Mental Health

Research consistently shows that postpartum depression and anxiety are more common than many realize. Postpartum Support International reports that one in seven mothers experiences postpartum depression and one in ten experiences postpartum anxiety. Fathers and partners are not exempt from these challenges; approximately one in ten experience postpartum depression themselves, and the risk increases if their partner is struggling.

The National Institutes of Health has found that returning to work within the first year after childbirth can elevate maternal stress and exacerbate mental health symptoms. These difficulties were amplified during and immediately following the COVID-19 pandemic (2020–2022), when families faced childcare disruptions, social isolation, and heightened uncertainty.

Maternal Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is not limited to children. Mothers themselves often experience intense distress when leaving their infants in daycare or with a nanny. This may manifest as excessive worry about the child’s safety, feelings of guilt or sadness at separation, or even physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, or racing thoughts. Such feelings can interfere with focus at work, yet they are both common and normal.

One evidence-based approach to easing this transition is exposure therapy: gradually increasing the amount of time spent away from the child. Starting with brief separations and extending them as comfort grows allows both mother and child to adapt more smoothly.

Coping Skills for Mothers

Mindfulness is one of the most effective tools for grounding and calming the mind. A simple practice that can include both mother and baby is the “Five Senses Walk.” As you walk with your child, notice together something you can see, hear, feel, smell, and taste. This shared exercise not only helps reduce anxiety but also fosters a sense of calm presence.

Movement is equally important. Gentle activities such as stroller walks, stretching during nap times, or dancing together at home allow mothers to reconnect with their bodies while improving mood and energy.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers practical strategies, such as the STOP skill: Stop, Take a step back, Observe what is happening, and Proceed mindfully. This structured pause can be particularly useful during moments of overwhelm, such as daycare drop-off.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques, like reframing negative thoughts, also provide relief. For example, rather than thinking, “I am a bad mother for leaving my child,” a mother might reframe to, “I am providing for my family, and my child is safe and cared for.” Over time, such reframing reduces guilt and fosters healthier perspectives.

The Role of Sleep

Adequate sleep is essential for maternal well-being. The NIH has demonstrated that sleep deprivation significantly increases the risk of postpartum depression and anxiety. Establishing consistent bedtimes, limiting screen exposure before sleep, and maintaining a calm environment benefit both mother and child. For families with the resources, the assistance of night nurses, nannies, or sleep coaches can be especially valuable, particularly for women with a history of mental health concerns. Prioritizing rest is not indulgent; it is essential for recovery and stability.

Body Image, Breastfeeding, and Intimacy

Adjusting to body changes after pregnancy is another challenge many women face. The National Eating Disorders Association notes that up to half of new mothers report dissatisfaction with their postpartum bodies, and those with pre-existing body image concerns are at increased risk for depression. These changes also affect intimacy. Research indicates that approximately 46 percent of mothers report a decrease in sexual desire six months after childbirth, and between 39 and 59 percent describe clinically low sexual desire during the first postpartum year.

For many women, physical discomfort, body image concerns, and pressure surrounding breastfeeding complicate their sense of self and their intimate relationships. It is important to emphasize that feeding decisions should be based on what works best for the mother and baby, free from guilt or external pressure. Likewise, intimacy should be approached with patience, compassion, and open communication.

One practical way to strengthen connection is to schedule a date night at least once a month. Making time for activities outside of parenting roles allows couples to feel like adults again, strengthen their friendship, and often leads to greater emotional closeness and improved intimacy.

Supporting Partners and Siblings

Postpartum mental health is not solely a maternal concern. Fathers and partners may also experience depression or anxiety, though it often presents differently—through irritability, withdrawal, or overworking. Recognizing and addressing these symptoms is crucial for the health of the entire family.

Siblings also need attention during this transition. When a new baby arrives, older children may feel anxious or overlooked. Maintaining familiar routines, creating one-on-one time with each child, and including them in small caregiving tasks can help them feel secure and valued.

Radical Self-Care

In order to support their families, mothers must care for themselves. Radical self-care means prioritizing well-being without guilt. This includes rest, setting boundaries, asking for help, and making time for activities that restore joy. Partners can play a vital role by sharing responsibilities, validating emotions, and encouraging mothers to prioritize their needs.

Final Thoughts

Returning to work after having a baby is not simply a logistical adjustment but an emotional journey. From separation anxiety and sleep deprivation to body image concerns and intimacy struggles, mothers face a wide range of challenges. Yet with coping strategies, professional support, and compassion for oneself, it is possible to navigate this transition with resilience and hope.

You are doing enough. You are enough.

Sources

• Postpartum Support International (PSI). postpartum.net
• National Institute of Mental Health (NIH). nimh.nih.gov
• Mental Health America (MHA). mhanational.org
• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). nami.org
• National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA). nationaleatingdisorders.org
• MAMMI Study. BMC Pregnancy & Childbirth, 2018. Link
• Rosen, R. et al. “Changes in Sexual Desire and Distress After Childbirth.” PubMed, 2020. Link

Kimberly Matone, LCMHC is owner of Matone Counseling and Testing and provides services to teens and adults.